That said, I want to wish all of my readers a Happy New Year! I think it's a natural instinct to want to do better and become better people, and the New Year is a perfect time for assessing those desires and mapping out ways to accomplish our goals. In the past few weeks, I've noted a number of Facebook friends who have mentioned a desire to write more positive messages, and speak from a more positive perspective in 2014. Since I've had that same desire, I thought I'd address it in this post.
I believe my friends, to a person, are wonderful, kind people. Yet, I've noticed that on
Facebook they are sometimes inclined to speak about issues from a negative perspective. I can understand this. I've done it myself. However, most times, in the very act of spouting off a negative comment, I've asked myself, "how productive is that approach?" In fact, the last time I wrote from a negative mindset, I erased it. I'm supposed to be the "positive momma of gratitude" after all, and I felt it unbecoming to write what I wrote, so I used the "select" and "delete" features on my computer to undo the potential damage. Don't get me wrong, I am well aware of a great many issues in our society that need addressing, and ignoring them isn't on my list of "effective approaches to problem solving". So, how do we allow ourselves to be aware of problems and share our concerns without inviting negativity and criticism to dominate our communications? Good question, and not one always easily answered.
As a full time caregiver of a husband whose illness (Parkinson's disease, depression, and oncoming dementia) seems to be overcoming him, I often feel exhausted. First, by the physical demands that are increasing as his illness progresses, and second, by the emotional toll taken as I watch someone I love become less and less able to care for his own needs. This is a situation that not only affects his abilities, it affects mine. Because he must have someone here with him all the time, I no longer have the ability to work to help provide for our needs. We are able to manage, but work provides a sense of accomplishment and fulfillment that is absent now that I find myself washing laundry every day and helping someone with his personal care. In fact, if I am not careful about my focus, I can get downright grumpy. It is for that reason that I have become particularly careful about performing a daily review for opportunities to be grateful. It is for the same reason that I am determined not to follow a path of criticism and negativity--about anything--since one negative thought seems to lead to another, and that is a journey I DO NOT want to take!
So, back to the question, "How do we allow ourselves to be aware of problems and share our concerns without inviting negativity and criticism?" Here are a few of my thoughts on the subject:
- Gratitude is a very good beginning. Develop the habit of looking for the good in life, we are inclined to see more good, and to dwell on the blessings that surround us, as we acknowledge the blessings we can readily see. Record those blessings in a journal--or write them down and drop them into your "blessing jar". They will help you be more mindful of all the good in your life.
- Since bad stuff happens, unkindness finds its way into our lives, people disappoint us, and life can sometimes be difficult and discouraging, my simple encouragement is, do what you can and encourage others to do what they can. Many hands, and a combination of talents and resources can often render wonderful results.
- Realize that sometimes things don't work out, but that doesn't mean you are a failure. Look for lessons to be learned. Write them down and express gratitude for them.
- If someone has been especially disappointing, or you just can't think of even one good thing to say about them, try this approach: Sit quietly somewhere you won't be disturbed. Breath deeply and allow yourself to relax. As you relax, picture brilliant white light, filled with love, encircling you from head to foot. Allow yourself to be bathed in this gentle, positive light. You might choose to picture it as the light of Christ, or as the embrace of someone you feel especially close to. Relax in this light and love for several minutes. It is important that you don't skimp on this step, you will need to feel totally relaxed and embraced by the light. Don't move on to the next step until you do. Once you feel completely relaxed, allow the light to extend out from you, finding its way to the person who has disappointed you, or toward whom you have hard feelings. Allow the light to embrace him and to penetrate every bit of his being. As it does, say a prayer for this person's welfare and success in doing what is right as God sees the right. This step and this wording eliminates any judgement or any need on your part to decide what the person should do or be; kind of the "let go and let God" approach used in AA. Just let this prayer flow though you and into the other person until your mind is totally settled and you are able to let all negative feelings subside and disappear. This may take several minutes, but allow it whatever time it requires. Do this daily until you can think of the person or situation without becoming agitated, and you can see the situation from an objective viewpoint, allowing the person to be who he is and do what he does. You may still want to facilitate changes in regard to what this person is doing (as per #2 above) but now you can attempt those changes without the drag of negativity, judgment and criticism.
- Realize that as you focus on the positive, you are blessing your own life and health. Studies have shown that those who practice gratitude and a positive perspective have better heart health, are more creative, sleep better, and produce more of the "feel good" brain chemicals like serotonin. So, what do you have to lose?
- Watch what you feel, and watch what you say. "Select" and "Delete" as necessary.
