Gratitude at Home

This is such a wonderful time of year.  As we look forward to Thanksgiving and Christmas we can get downright giddy with excitement!  It's interesting that here, in the Northern Hemisphere, these special holidays come as nature assaults us with bone chilling wind, rain and snow.  The contrast, as we step into the warmth of home, can give us an especially keen sense of appreciation.  Add to that the smell of homemade soup, pie, and other seasonal foods that might be filling the air, and we feel even more embraced in cozy warmth and comfort.  At this time of year, home takes on an almost magical air, and we wish we could feel these feelings all year long.  So, today's question is:

How can I encourage gratitude at home? 

Have you ever noticed that it can be much easier to feel grateful and be a good example when you are out in public?  Home should be our haven, right?   In reality, it is often the place where stress levels are high and we forget our manners: kids are being kids (i.e. noisy and rambunctious), tempers flare, and patience seems hard to come by.  Here are a dozen simple ideas for changing the atmosphere and restoring peace and gratitude:

• Make the bed for a family member who was in a hurry this morning.  If you have time, leave a note.  Something simple like:  "The bed making fairy was here."
• Talk to your child about the day he or she was born, and the excitement you felt with his arrival.
• Put the children to bed early (or leave them with a neighbor) and make your wife a candlelight dinner.  Keep the conversation positive and focused on what's important to her.
• Fix your husband breakfast and bring it to him in bed.  Discuss his plans for the day.
• Ask your spouse or child what his/her most cherished dream is.  Consider how you can help it come true.
• Find a jar, decorate it, and place some positive words inside, each on a seperate slip of paper:  happy; smile; thanks; fortunate; beautiful; capable; friendly; appreciated;  peaceful; nurturing; accomplished; abundant, etc.  Remove one word each day and use it in your conversations.
• Have a special family night where everyone is given the opportunity to express one thing they admire about each family member.  No one is allowed to repeat what someone else has said. Sit in a circle and let everyone take a turn.  When our children were growing up we did this once or twice a year. 
• Read bedtime stories instead of watching television.
• Work side by side with your child doing household chores.  Talk about your child's day, or take time to express some things you notice and admire about him/her. 
• Have a one-on-one ice cream date with a child or your spouse.
• Sing songs together
• Play a game one-on-one with another family member, or as a family.

Make it a habit to mix these and other ideas into your weekly routine.  They will help create an atmosphere of love and appreciation that is a gift, not just during the holidays, but throughout the year!       

Why all the Negativity?

I hope everyone had a relaxing and refreshing weekend.  Our family made plans for our Thanksgiving dinner.  We are getting together with some of our children and grandchildren to share a great meal, a warming fire, and some games.  I am so looking forward to a really special Thanksgiving celebration!

As I promised, I will be answering questions about gratitude, and the one I'm answering today brings up an issue that I think a lot of us struggle with:

Why do I so often feel negative instead of grateful?

I hope my answer will give you some insight, and maybe some solace.  

It’s a sad fact that it’s easier to dwell on the negative than the positive.  Two specific reasons for this come to mind.  First, according to Professor Clifford Nass of Stanford University, negative and positive information are processed in different hemispheres of the brain and negative information, apparently, gets more attention as it requires more thinking.  It is, in fact, processed more thoroughly than positive information.  Therefore, it is remembered longer and is more easily recalled.  An acquaintance of mine who writes books on relationships and best business practices, tells me that emotions are processed in an area of the brain called the amygdala.  This area registers threats in a way that is designed to protect us from harm.  It does not differentiate between a major threat or a menace that is fairly inconsequential.  The amygdala's job is to register negative experiences and their emotions in order to alert us to danger and keep us from getting hurt.  So, don’t be too hard on yourself if you tend toward seeing the negative more readily than the positive in life. It is your body's built in defense system.  However, if not controlled, this inclination to see the negative could get out of hand.  Fortunately, there are strategies for regulating this instinctive response and, where appropriate, replacing it with positive thoughts and gratitude.  I'll list some ideas in a moment.

A second reason we focus on the negative is due to signals we receive from the media around us. Advertising plays a huge role in our lives.   The things of the world are constantly paraded before us:  luxury cars, exotic vacations, gourmet foods, expensive clothing and perfumes, homes with every amenity we could dream of.   It’s all presented in a way that leads us to believe that having these “things” will instantly make us happier, more successful, and more popular.  However, studies have found that these things do not really improve our sense of happiness.  It is our relationships and our sense of gratitude for life's blessings that bring us happiness and fulfillment.

The Hebrew term for gratitude is hakarat hatov, which means, literally, "recognizing the good."  As we attempt to overcome the natural role our brain plays in recognizing the negative and alerting us to it, and the heavy role that advertising plays in our lives, gratitude will help to set our feet on a path to appreciation and happiness.  It will help us to train our brains to recognize the good and focus more attention on it. As we regularly engage in positive, grateful thoughts, we will develop a pattern of appreciation that will become a part of our nature.  

There are, literally, thousands of reasons to feel positive and to focus on the good.  So, don’t accept that you were “just born that way” and can’t overcome the tendency to dwell on the negative.  YOU CAN!  Honing your sense of gratitude will help you every step of the way!

Here are a few ideas for getting started:

•      Serve someone in need.  There is nothing like visiting with a shut in, bringing a treat to someone who is lonely, helping at a food pantry or soup kitchen, or volunteering at the local hospital.  These acts of kindness help us to gain perspective on our own problems, and recognize how really blessed we are!

•          Surround yourself with friends!  People who have a social network of friends are more inclined to be happy than those who don’t.  There are so many good times to share; so many memories to make!  Friends can help us have the courage to try new things, go new places, and stretch ourselves in ways we wouldn’t if we were alone.  Plus, there is nothing like a friend when we need someone to confide in, or to help us through a difficult time.  We weren’t meant to go through life alone.  So, I’ll say it again:  Surround yourself with friends!

• ·         Reconnect with the child you once were.  One of the attributes I admire about my oldest son is that he is still connected to the kid inside.  He's a favorite with nieces and nephews because he knows how to have fun.  There is just something so charming, attractive and wonderful about the person who can relax and relate to the world with the eyes and heart of a child. Every once in a while, let go a little and allow yourself to blow a BIG bubble with a piece of bubble gum. Color a picture in your kid's coloring book (then stop to smell the fragrance of the crayons on the paper). Blow soap bubbles with your kids or grandkids and notice the iridescence of each delicate orb just before it bursts.  Jump on a big piece of bubble wrap just to hear it POP, or sing at the top of your lungs!  Reconnect with that joyful part of your being.  It really is still there, inside you, and it will be thrilled to be let out for a while.  And you will be grateful for the joy you feel as you allow yourself the pleasure of truly experiencing the connectedness to life as you once knew it!

• ·     No matter how crazy life is, take care of yourself every day.  Take time to be still, to reflect, to relax a little, and to pray.  Fifteen focused minutes a day works wonders.   If you only have five minutes, that is certainly better than nothing!  Breathe deeply and reflect on the good in life.  Research shows that as you take time for gratitude, your heart rate will improve.  You will sleep better, and you will experience more happiness.  All for an investment of a few focused minutes a day!

 

Gratitude and Peace

Gratitude and Peace

We all want to feel greater peace in our lives.  The world can be so chaotic and so many things seem--and sometimes are--out of our control.  I have found that practicing gratitude goes a long way in helping me realize the blessings I do have, and the good that influences my life everyday.  So, today's question is:  

In our fast paced and chaotic world, how can a sense of gratitude help me to feel more peaceful?

Gratitude is an attribute—perhaps the primary attribute—that connects us to Deity.  As we look out upon the natural world, taking in and appreciating its wonder and beauty, we realize there is a power and creative force at work in the universe.  Giving thanks for these wonders, our hearts and minds are turned to a source of power far beyond our own.  Many acknowledge this force as God, and feel not only appreciation for His handiwork but also a security and peace in knowing that someone all-knowing is in charge. 

In the Old Testament, when Elijah was directed by an angel to stand on Mt. Horeb, he experienced a great rushing wind, an earthquake, and a fire.  We are told that the Lord was not in any of these manifestations.  Following all of these, there came a "still small voice."  This was the voice of God, a voice of peace.  The spirit of God is the spirit of peace!

Just as Elijah experienced the overpowering wind that broke the rocks around him into pieces, just as he endured the earthquake and the fire, we too endure much over which we have no control.  However, as we practice gratitude everyday, our growing sense of appreciation will allow us to hear the voice of comfort, and feel the spirit of peace that will eventually come into our lives.  This recoginition comes as we acknowledge  that there is Someone greater and far more capable than we who is in charge.  The yielding up of our attitude of self-sufficiency—at least enough to acknowledge God's hand in our affairs--helps give us a sense of peace. It also engenders humility.  Add to that humility and peace the blessing of friends, family and associates who touch us in significant, positive ways, and we come to know that we definitely are not alone.  It is when we lose site of the Divine good in our lives, and the divinely good people who reach out to us, that our sense of peace and gratitude falters.  

I encourage you, when life gets overwhelming, to take time out to write down a list of the blessings that have come to you through the grace of God and the gift of associating with the people who fill your world.  It doesn't matter if that list is long or short.  Take some time to focus on each item you've noted, and give thanks.

This exercise takes some time and effort, but gratitude, like all things of value, is not a cheap gift. However, a consistent effort given over time becomes a habit, and the habit of being grateful yields many blessings--a sense of peace among them.   Take 10 or 15 minutes a day to recount your blessings. Remember the feelings you had as each blessing came into your life, and take a moment to relive those feelings of appreciation.  As you engage in this exercise, I promise it will make a significant difference in your level of peace, and the degree of gratitude that fills your heart.

The Blog is Back!

Two years ago I had to discontinue my blog posts to go back to full time work, and take care of my husband, Lynn.  I am still caring for Lynn, but I am no longer working away from home.  During that time I also worked on updating my book, Gratitude's Transcending Power.  I've added some new stories, and discovered some great research that highlights the benefits of making gratitude a part of our very being.  As an additional help to myself and my readers, I am again writing my gratitude blog.  I hope you will enjoy the posts!

I will be answering some frequently asked questions concerning gratitude.  If you have a question, please feel free to ask it in the Comments section, and I will do my best to respond.  PLEASE, tell your friends and family about AllThingsGratitude.blogspot.com.   Their questions and observations, and yours, about gratitude are always welcome.

Today's Post:

Why should I be grateful when life is so hard?

Being grateful is a many-dimensional thing.  It’s not just saying “thank-you” or remembering to send a note to someone for his kindness.  It is really a way of relating to the world around us, and that relationship can transform us into a person who is able to take life’s setbacks in stride, see beyond the obvious, and find reasons for hope and joy.

Gratitude is an attribute of POWER.  Not the kind of power that flaunts itself to control others, but the kind of power that exerts itself to lift the spirit and elevate a person’s outlook on life.   When gratitude becomes the lens through which we see life we find that we can be grateful in circumstances that are less than optimal.  How does this occur?   True gratitude allows us to see the benefits of our situation.  Those benefits may only be that we are learning greater patience, self-control, or compassion.  They may be that we are experiencing things we have never experienced before.   Even a very difficult situation, examined through the eyes of gratitude, will always yield some lesson or blessing of value.

Gratitude is a life changer and a life enhancer.  In fact, it changes US.  We find ourselves becoming more sensitive and appreciative of little things, as well as big things.  We see the value of people and delight in the accomplishments of others.  We learn that nothing is dull or boring because it contains reasons for appreciation and joy.   While life will still present difficulties, we will have a more balanced outlook regarding all that is transpiring in our world.

“[Gratitude] turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity...it makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.”
--Melody Beattie

A Noteworthy Tradition

      As we approach Christmas, I hope it will be in the true spirit of this sacred season.  It's fun to buy, wrap and share gifts.  It's great to be with family and friends, to enjoy parties, make neighbor gifts, send cards and bask in the soft light of a decorated Christmas tree.  These, however, are all trappings.  The celebrating, gift giving, tree trimming, and greetings of the season, hopefully, will turn our thoughts and hearts to the true reason for this very special holiday: remembering the birth and life of our Savior.

     I must admit, I'm as thrilled as anyone by the wonderful carols, the smell of pine, and the thoughtful expressions of love that I receive.  However, I hope my heart will rejoice, many times over, in the greatest gift any of us could ever receive: the gift of the life, example, and ultimately the sacrifice and resurrection of our Savior, Jesus Christ.  

    

     As I think of Him, however, I also think of how far short of His example I fall.  So, in considering the best gift I could give this holiday season, my heart must turn to thoughts of being more kind, less critical, less thoughtless in my speech, and more Christ-like in my daily conduct. 

    

     In my daughter's home there is a noteworthy tradition.  The children begin the month of December with a small empty cradle.  As they do loving deeds and care for others they are allowed to put pieces of straw into the cradle.  The object is to have the cradle filled with straw by Christmas Eve so that the Christ child can be placed within its warm, snug confines.  Each of her three older children delight in thinking of ways to show their love and earn pieces of straw.  Each is honing his or her ability to serve others and to act in Christ-like ways.  What a delightful and meaningful tradition--a tradition from my son-in-law's family, not mine, though I wish it had been!  But I am most pleased that it has been introduced to my grandchildren, and is being carried on to bless their lives with the true spirit of Christmas, which is, of course, the Spirit of Christ.  What a wonderful way to express appreciation to the Savior for His life, and to carry on His example of loving service.

     As we prepare for and celebrate this holiday season, I hope we will take time to think of the needs of others.  I hope we will also take time for Peace.  Peace, quiet, contemplation, and time to express, from our heart, our thankfulness to Jesus Christ for His precious gifts to us.  They are the most important we have received and ever will receive.  His gifts, after all, are what Christmas is really all about!!

TODAY'S AWESOME BLESSING:  I spent the weekend feeling really miserable with body aches and a headache.  On Monday my husband and I had to go out in the late afternoon to take care of some appointments.  When we returned there was a box on the back steps.  On top was written, in the hand of a child, "To a sick grandma.  Love you."  Inside were notes from my grandchildren, my daughter and her husband.   When I called to express thanks, my daughter made certain I knew this was the result of her oldest son's thoughtfulness.  He had instigated the idea of writing the notes and had delivered them himself.  Was this just to earn a little straw?  Knowing this sweet young man, I doubt it.  How fortunate I felt to be the recipient of so much love!!